Forgiving What You Can’t Forget

We’ve all endured painful moments—times when we’ve been wronged so deeply it feels like we’ll never truly move past it.

Forgiveness happens in a moment, but healing takes a lifetime.

We’ve all walked down dark paths, sometimes because of others’ actions, sometimes because of our own choices. It can be especially painful when those who’ve hurt us appear to be thriving, showing no remorse. Hearing or seeing their success can make us question: what is God doing?

Perhaps you’ve been waiting for karma to act, but nothing seems to happen. You wonder if Exodus 14:14—where God promises to fight for you—is really true.

The pain, the betrayal, the heartbreak—it’s all real. We’re only human, and when we’re hurt, it cuts deeply. Grieving has stages, and so does healing.

Acknowledging the pain is the first step toward healing. Being true to ourselves and owning our emotions is one of the best choices we can make. We may feel bitterness, envy, anger, or even resentment. Recognizing those feelings is powerful.

Often, forgiveness isn’t even about others; it’s about forgiving ourselves. We may be angry at ourselves for the mistakes we made, for not seeing the warning signs in a relationship, or for unwise choices that led to setbacks. Sometimes, forgiving ourselves is harder than forgiving others, especially when we hold ourselves to high standards.

The breakup may have been humiliating, the divorce brutal, the custody battle exhausting. Perhaps a friendship you thought was unbreakable was broken.

You might feel:

• Numb
• Lost
• Forgotten
• Faithless
• Hopeless The list goes on.

When will the pain stop? When will happiness feel real again? Can you ever trust again?

I’ve felt these disappointments too. My biggest challenge was forgiving myself. How did I get here? Why didn’t I listen to my intuition, my pastor, my inner voice? Why did I lose hope in what the future held? Why didn’t I consider the consequences?

If you’re stuck in this place—or have been—I understand.

It took time before I could look in the mirror without feeling ashamed, broken, or unforgivable. Forgiving others wasn’t easy, but forgiving myself was even harder.

My Turning Point

As I wrestled with pain and unforgiveness, I turned to my Bible. It may be the last place you feel like going right now, but hear me out. During Christmas in 2022, I’d ordered two copies of 21-Day Inner Healing Journey by Pastor Jimmy Evans, intending them as gifts, never imagining I’d need one for myself.

In one video, Pastor Evans spoke about praying for those who hurt you. I felt resistant and even angry hearing those words. But after a tearful night, I revisited the video and looked up the verse he referenced: Matthew 5:44.

“But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.”

I spent an entire day reflecting on this verse, working through the associated worksheet and taking it in slowly. Eventually, I started praying for those who had hurt me, just as the guide instructed. Over time, I felt something shift. My heart softened, my thoughts of revenge quieted.

I still pray each day for the Holy Spirit to work within me. Psalm 139:23 has become my daily soul detox:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”

Each morning, before my devotional, I ask the Holy Spirit to cleanse my heart and align my thoughts with God’s will.

I’ve made a detailed video discussing this journey. I hope it resonates with you.