A New Dawn

Last week was my birthday.

Interestingly enough, 11 years ago, I went to MEPS on my birthday and signed my life away to the United States Army. 😂 So, in a way, I celebrate two things around this time every year: another year of life and another year of military service.

But that’s not why we are here today.

This birthday felt different.

God has been so good to me in ways I honestly cannot fully explain. My birthday celebration actually started earlier in September, long before the actual day. I have felt so much genuine love, kindness, and care this season, and I will forever be grateful for it.

But beyond the celebrations, gifts, messages, food, and cake, this birthday has made me reflect deeply on who I am becoming.

The retreat

Recently, I went on a solo retreat.

No cell phone.
No computer.
No iPad.
Not even a radio.

And honestly?

Lord, it felt so good.

There was something incredibly refreshing about completely detaching from devices and the constant noise that comes with being connected all the time.

But even more than disconnecting from technology, I loved having the opportunity to commune with the Holy Spirit without the usual distractions.

I had made a little schedule for my prayer time and worship. I brought scriptures that spoke to the season of life I am currently in, and somehow, I was led to Romans 8.

So I read it.

Then I read it again.

And again.

I think I read that chapter about six times.

Each time, different emotions came up. There were moments of peace, conviction, gratitude, questions, tears, and reassurance.

Romans 8 is such a rich chapter, and I walked away carrying several lessons from it with me.

If you have the opportunity, go read Romans 8.

Maybe God will speak to you through it in a way that He spoke to me.

I am learning boundaries

There are also things I have been learning outside of Scripture.

After taking and studying for countless medical ethics courses and exams, I’ve come to a realization:

People are allowed to have boundaries, and so am I.

I am not the friend who will automatically get upset because you didn’t tell me something deeply personal.

There may be reasons.

There may be things you are processing privately.

There may be things you simply aren’t ready to share.

And I’ve learned that I don’t need to take everything personally.

I don’t need to know everything happening in everyone’s life.

Sometimes loving people means giving them room.

And sometimes loving yourself means giving yourself room, too.

I’ve also reached a place where I care less about people’s opinions of me and more about whether God is pleased with me.

That doesn’t mean I don’t value people.

I absolutely do.

But I am learning not to build my identity around people’s approval.

My time has become precious

I am also in a season where I am seriously building my future.

And honestly, I don’t have the capacity to spend hours on the phone like I used to.

It’s not me being mean.

The funny thing is, I genuinely don’t know how to keep conversations short. 😂

If I get on the phone with someone I love, we might still be talking two hours later.

So, for now, I have found that text messages and voice notes work better for me.

If I don’t answer the phone, please don’t take it personally.

I’m probably somewhere trying to build the life I’ve been praying for.

I’ve started looking at my time differently.

Sometimes I jokingly tell myself:

“Every hour costs me $10,000.”

So when I waste an hour that could have been spent being productive, I think, There goes another $10,000.

Obviously, my time isn’t literally worth $10,000 an hour.

But the mindset reminds me that time is something I can never get back.

And I want to be intentional with mine.

I’m unlearning and relearning

Lately, I’ve been focusing squarely on my life.

I’m unlearning some bad habits.

I’m relearning some good old habits.

I’m becoming more intentional about how I spend my time, who I give access to, what I share, where I go, and what I allow into my life.

I’m still figuring things out.

I absolutely do not have everything together.

But I am at peace with where I am.

And I think that’s something worth celebrating.

Not everything needs to be shared

One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I actually enjoy keeping certain things between myself and God.

Not because I’m secretive.

Not because I don’t trust people.

But because sometimes sharing everything can send my anxiety through the roof.

I’ve put myself in uncomfortable situations before by talking about things I wasn’t ready to share.

And I’ve learned that I don’t have to do that anymore.

I can take my time.

I can process privately.

I can pray about something before telling the world about it.

That is called having boundaries.

And I’m learning to respect mine.

I don’t have to fit everywhere

Another thing I’ve discovered about myself?

I’m a homebody. 😂

There are places I simply don’t enjoy going.

There are things other people do that may make them feel cool, adventurous, or like they are living their best life.

I’ve tried to move with the tide.

I’ve tried to fit in.

But I’m learning that I don’t have to force myself into spaces where I don’t fit.

I don’t have to do something simply because everyone else is doing it.

I don’t have to become someone else to belong.

I can just be me.

Trust matters to me

Trust is also extremely important to me.

I value people who believe that healthy relationships can exist.

I try to stay away from mindsets like, “All men cheat,” or “All women cheat.”

I don’t want to build relationships based on suspicion before someone has even given me a reason not to trust them.

I’m still learning what healthy relationships, healthy boundaries, and healthy communication look like.

And I know I’ll continue learning.

A new dawn

Maybe that’s what this birthday represents for me.

Not that I suddenly have life figured out.

Not that I’ve arrived.

But that I am entering another chapter with more awareness, more peace, more boundaries, more gratitude, and a deeper dependence on God.

A new year of life.

A new year of growth.

A new year of becoming.

A new dawn.

And through it all, I am grateful.

Grateful to God for allowing me to see another year.

Grateful for the lessons.

Grateful for the people who genuinely love me.

Grateful for the people who prayed for me.

Grateful for every birthday message.

Grateful for every gift.

Grateful for my people who drove to see me with their arms full of presents.

And that cake?

Bruhhh. 😂

I still haven’t finished it!

To everyone who celebrated me, checked on me, prayed for me, sent a message, called, gave a gift, showed up, or simply thought of me, thank you.

I love you guys sooooo much. ❤️

And now, it’s time for me to get back to work.

I’ve got a future to build.

A life to live.

A God to serve.

And apparently, some birthday money that I’m going to add to until I can finally replace this four-year-old phone. 😂📱

Here’s to another year.

Here’s to becoming.

Here’s to boundaries.

Here’s to peace.

Here’s to trusting God even when I don’t know what comes next.

And most importantly; here’s to a new dawn.