Failure Is Not New to Me

I checked in on a few friends this week; friends I met during Basic Training and baby, life has been lifing for all of us.

As we talked, I realized something: setbacks are far more common than we often admit.

Sometimes failure comes through an exam we have written more than once. Sometimes it shows up in business. Sometimes it is a relationship that did not work out, a job we desperately wanted but did not get, or struggles we never imagined we would face while raising our families.

And sometimes, these things happen one after another or all at once.

When life starts handing us setback after setback, it can feel incredibly lonely. We begin to look around and assume that everyone else has figured life out except us.

But they haven’t.

Failure is not new to me.

I have not yet reached the chapter of my life where I am ready to fully unpack every failure I have experienced. But I know one thing for sure: when I eventually write my autobiography and yes, that book is coming, some of these stories will be in it.

This week, a friend I am particularly close to opened up to me about the struggle of taking the same exam multiple times.

And honestly?

It hit home.

For a moment, I realized that I had been walking around thinking I was the only person life had decided to personally deal with. Meanwhile, people around me were carrying disappointments, fears, unanswered prayers, and setbacks of their own.

The Bible says in Matthew 5:45 that God causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

The rain falls on all of us.

Your struggle may not be an exam.

Maybe you have tried to build a business and cannot seem to stay consistent. Maybe you gave everything you had to a marriage, and it still ended. Maybe you have applied for job after job and keep hearing no. Maybe you are struggling with something you never thought you would have to struggle with.

And perhaps shame has made you withdraw from everyone.

A friend once jokingly said, “I like as God share problems for everybody.”

It sounds funny—and maybe a little insensitive—but there is some truth behind the humor.

If you ask enough people and listen closely enough, you will realize that no one has everything figured out.

Some people are just better at hiding their struggles.

Failure Can Make People Feel Alone

One of the most dangerous things shame can do is convince us to isolate.

You may feel embarrassed because you have taken the same exam multiple times.

You may be ashamed that your business did not work.

You may feel like people are judging you because your marriage ended.

You may have stopped answering calls because you simply do not know how to explain what is happening in your life.

But please hear me:

You are not alone.

And you do not have to carry everything by yourself.

If life becomes unbearably heavy, talk to someone you trust. Let someone into the room with you. Shame grows in silence, but sometimes healing begins when we finally find the courage to say, “I’m not okay right now.”

This is also why we need to be careful with how we respond when people share their struggles with us.

Not every confession needs a lecture.

Not every failure needs an “I told you so.”

Sometimes people simply need to know they can speak without being judged.

Proverbs 16:24 says, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

Your words matter.

Choose them carefully.

A kind response may not fix someone’s problems, but it might remind them that they are not facing those problems alone.

An Exam Does Not Determine Your Worth

Let me say this clearly:

An exam does not determine your worth.

A failed business does not mean you are a failure.

A painful divorce does not mean your love story is over.

A rejection does not mean your life is over.

Failure is an experience.

It is not an identity.

Sometimes we become so attached to one particular path that when the door closes, we begin to believe our entire future has closed with it.

But life is full of reroutes.

Sometimes there is another road to the same destination.

And sometimes, God is leading us toward a destination we did not originally plan for.

Sometimes People Are Not Ignoring You; They Are Surviving a Season

I am discovering that I may unintentionally offend people in this season because I cannot stay on the phone as long as I used to.

I do not always have the bandwidth.

I do not always have the resources or ability to be present for every occasion.

And one thing I am learning is that the people who genuinely care will often try to understand.

Growth sometimes means recognizing that your capacity has changed.

It means understanding that you cannot commit to every responsibility or maintain every routine the way you once did.

And I want to make an important distinction here:

A change in someone’s availability does not automatically mean they are suicidal.

Sometimes, a person is simply overwhelmed.

Sometimes, they are exhausted.

Sometimes, they are navigating a difficult season that requires their attention.

But emotional intelligence requires us to pay attention rather than make assumptions.

Instead of immediately taking someone’s distance personally, consider asking:

“Hey, I noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How are you really doing?”

And then give them space to answer honestly.

At the same time, if someone’s withdrawal is accompanied by other concerning changes such as expressing hopelessness, talking about wanting to die, giving away important belongings, saying goodbye, or suddenly seeming unusually different, take those signs seriously and check in.

You do not have to carry the responsibility alone. Help connect them with immediate support.

We Need Each Other

We have all chosen different paths in life.

Some of us will reach our destinations exactly the way we planned.

Others will take detours.

Some of us will have to start over.

Some of us will fail publicly.

Some will fail privately.

But none of us are immune to disappointment.

So be kind.

Check on your friends.

Speak life when people trust you with their struggles.

Be less judgmental.

Understand that people are fighting battles you may know nothing about.

And if you are currently sitting in the middle of what feels like failure, I hope you remember this:

This chapter is not the entire book.

You may have failed at something.

But you are not a failure.

You may be taking longer than you expected.

But you are not behind in a way that makes your life meaningless.

You may need to take another route.

But a reroute does not mean the journey is over.

And if today feels too heavy to carry alone, please do not suffer in silence.

Talk to someone.

Reach out.

Stay.

There is still more to your story.

“The righteous person may fall seven times and rise again.” — Proverbs 24:16

And maybe that is the message we all need to remember:

Falling is not the end of the story.

Sometimes, by God’s grace, we rise and we keep going.